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[bonnie]

"WE SUFFERED IN SILENCE", A BRAND NEW book out this month. The Oct. 11, 2007 Review article, "Abuse in the Adventist Church" started the ball rolling and the authors of this NEW book is taking up the gauntlet for Church Accountability. This is a first of its kind for the Adventist community. See the following Press Release from XULON PRESS, a Christian publishing house.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Virginia Holt Coombs
mountains_to_conquer@yahoo.com

Domestic Abuse Comes Under Fire in New Xulon Press Book
Authors dissect domestic violence in parsonage and Christian homes

LONGWOOD, FL—To onlookers, Dick had it all: good looks, charisma, and a loving wife. But how could his parishioners know or believe that behind the parsonage door, their beloved pastor hid the ugly secret of deception? His emotional battering stripped his wife, Carol, of her self-worth, identity, and respect.

We Suffered in Silence ($14.99, paperback, 978-1-60477-990-5), a courageous true story about the explosion of domestic violence within the parsonage and the Christian home, will touch the lives of readers everywhere with its candor in exploring the devastating effects of emotional, physical, sexual, and religious abuse. The new book was penned by deceased author Velva B. Holt in concert with a team of co-authors—her daughter, Virginia Holt Coombs; her son-in law, Robert Coombs, MA; and Mable Dunbar, Ph.D.(Pres. of Pollys Place Network). The credentialed authors have included resource chapters that will minister to pastors and their wives, church organizations, and all those who are in abusive relationships.

Say the co-authors, “As we see the explosion of domestic violence and sexual abuse in Christian organizations that is being brought to the forefront by the news media and TV talk shows, we see that this book is timely. The church has been silent and in denial concerning the abuse that pastors and Christian leaders heap upon their families behind ‘sacred’ closed doors, using Bible verses as an excuse to batter (emotionally and physically) their families into submission. The news media is starting to demand accountability and a higher standard from the church.”

As co-authors, the trio is passionate about educating and preventing abuse in the Christian society and bringing healing to these broken people. “We want to bring the church away from its depicted role as a ‘club,’ a ‘cult,’ and a ‘sect,’ and promote openness, accountability, and discipline for the abuser, and safety, love, and caring for the abused,” the co-authors say.

Xulon Press, a part of Salem Communications Corporation, is the world’s largest Christian publisher, with more than 5,000 titles published to date.

For more information on the authors and how to order this book, go to:
http://www.preyerplanning.com/book/velva-holt.htm

[Fran]

I read this post and immediately ordered my copy.  It arrived about 8 days later.  It is a great book.  It tells of matters that the church needs to acknowledge is happening in our church.  I can't help but wonder, if truth would be known, just how many members have suffered in silence for years and years?

Now that more are speaking out, more will have the courage to come forward to find healing and become a survivor!  Praise God for offering help.  We need to remember that not all pastors are abusers, but many are.  However, many more members are abused and have been silent for far too long!

[Ozzie]

I read this post and immediately ordered my copy.  It arrived about 8 days later.  It is a great book.  It tells of matters that the church needs to acknowledge is happening in our church.  I can't help but wonder, if truth would be known, just how many members have suffered in silence for years and years?

Now that more are speaking out, more will have the courage to come forward to find healing and become a survivor!  Praise God for offering help.  We need to remember that not all pastors are abusers, but many are.  However, many more members are abused and have been silent for far too long!

This is only too true Fran and Bonnie.

Hopefully, with such books being printed and other people speaking out, more people will realise that there is help 'out there' and will leave their lives of HELL and become WHOLE people again.

[bonnie]

I read this post and immediately ordered my copy.  It arrived about 8 days later.  It is a great book.  It tells of matters that the church needs to acknowledge is happening in our church.  I can't help but wonder, if truth would be known, just how many members have suffered in silence for years and years?

Now that more are speaking out, more will have the courage to come forward to find healing and become a survivor!  Praise God for offering help.  We need to remember that not all pastors are abusers, but many are.  However, many more members are abused and have been silent for far too long!

I still haven't ordered this book. I don't think the church will acknowledge until they are forced to. The numbers of those condmening the ones coming forward have to shift in favor of a victim,and I just don't see it happening

[Ginge]

Bonnie, I was so surprised to see our book advertised here.  I am blessed by your having taken the initiative to post here because I had lost this website (how could that possibly happen).   I was called by a woman on Fri. who told me she had seen the ad here and wanted to order.  Then we talked for awhile about what is happening in her church.  A couple (seemingly) in good standing in the church and good friends of the pastor and  his wife were found out to be having physical domestic violence in the home.  The wife told the pastor's wife and she then said she could no longer be this woman's friend because it would look like she was "taking sides".  The pastor would not counsel them and I guess they have left the church.  This woman was so sad and hoped that by reading "We Suffered In Silence" that she might have a resource to use.  I suggested that after reading the book that she ask the pastor and his wife to also read it.  Bonnie, your intuitiveness may be the means for that pastor and his wife to learn how to be compassionate to the parishioner's in their church.
A thought here passes through my head.  Many times we have found that those that either 'over' talk about a subject or back away from it are dealing with the same issue themselves.

We are humbled by Fran's comments.  We are just starting to reach out with the book.  Although it directs a lot of its material towards the church leaders it still can be read by anyone in an abusive situation and they will gain help in healing.  Three men that ordered the book have given parise for its contents.  One man said "I was so touched by everything that was said that I cryed at the end of each chapter."  He also stated that the poems (written by the author, my mother) at the beginning of each chapter gave him continued hope as he had been an abused child.

Please keep this book moving.  Of course it is good for Polly's Place Network (Dr. Mable Dunbar co-author) as the profits go to her organization.  She has been having trouble getting her website changed in order to promote the book so just continue to go to  http://www.preyerplanning.com/book/velva-holt.htm to order.  You can also order off www.amazon.com HOWEVERmore moeny goes to Polly's Place through our private website.

Virginia Holt Coombs

[bonnie]

Then we talked for awhile about what is happening in her church.  A couple (seemingly) in good standing in the church and good friends of the pastor and  his wife were found out to be having physical domestic violence in the home.  The wife told the pastor's wife and she then said she could no longer be this woman's friend because it would look like she was "taking sides".  The pastor would not counsel them and I guess they have left the church. 

This is a very common  refrain coming from our churches. What follows is usually.....
Forgive him/her 7 x 70. If you are not ready to offer your child or family at least 490 times,you do not deserve God's forgivness either. All have sinned follows a close second and on and on.
Maybe you have already guessed I am a bit short on patience with this mentality. My granddaughters were refused help from our denomination,Why?? Because they did not want to appear to be taking sides.
Taking the side of the right, we already had an admission of guilt might be seen as passing judgement. So instead of developing a firm set of standards for fear of it looking like judgement,we do and say nothing at all.

Sometimes that is not quite right either. The victim will be forgiven for being a victim if they can forget this little blip in their life.

 

This woman was so sad and hoped that by reading "We Suffered In Silence" that she might have a resource to use.  I suggested that after reading the book that she ask the pastor and his wife to also read it.  Bonnie, your intuitiveness may be the means for that pastor and his wife to learn how to be compassionate to the parishioner's in their church.
A thought here passes through my head.  Many times we have found that those that either 'over' talk about a subject or back away from it are dealing with the same issue themselves.

Or guilty of the behaviour being discussed

One can hope but frankly those that could and should change things would much rather "Viictims would continue to suffer in silence. Not nearly so messy and doesn't require much and all is well.

[bonnie]

Virginia,

I had not intended to bite your head off. Sorry if that is the way it sounds,

I am getting a little short of patience waiting for those that really need to read this and take a stand  For those that have walked in those footsteps it will be helpful ,but when does a leader say......

I have read a book that all should read. This should not be happening in our churches and we are here to help.

Wouldn't that be a shocker?

[Ginge]

Bonnie, I never even thought that you were "biting my head off", in fact your observations are correct and right on.
I can only hope that this pastor we talked about will get the point if he reads the book.

I am encouraged with a letter I got.  There is a christian radio station in Tennessee that does a share-a-thon and does a banquet for around 200 pastors (not adventist) in their area.  They are negotiating for 2 to 3 boxes of books to give out to the pastors.  We need to pray for the pastors to be open to dealing with this sin in their congregation and learn through the teaching in the book how to approach in compassion the victims.

[bonnie]

Bonnie, I was so surprised to see our book advertised here.  I am blessed by your having taken the initiative to post here because I had lost this website (how could that possibly happen).   I was called by a woman on Fri. who told me she had seen the ad here and wanted to order.  Then we talked for awhile about what is happening in her church.  A couple (seemingly) in good standing in the church and good friends of the pastor and  his wife were found out to be having physical domestic violence in the home.  The wife told the pastor's wife and she then said she could no longer be this woman's friend because it would look like she was "taking sides".  The pastor would not counsel them and I guess they have left the church.  This woman was so sad and hoped that by reading "We Suffered In Silence" that she might have a resource to use.  I suggested that after reading the book that she ask the pastor and his wife to also read it.  Bonnie, your intuitiveness may be the means for that pastor and his wife to learn how to be compassionate to the parishioner's in their church.
A thought here passes through my head.  Many times we have found that those that either 'over' talk about a subject or back away from it are dealing with the same issue themselves.

We are humbled by Fran's comments.  We are just starting to reach out with the book.  Although it directs a lot of its material towards the church leaders it still can be read by anyone in an abusive situation and they will gain help in healing.  Three men that ordered the book have given parise for its contents.  One man said "I was so touched by everything that was said that I cryed at the end of each chapter."  He also stated that the poems (written by the author, my mother) at the beginning of each chapter gave him continued hope as he had been an abused child.

Please keep this book moving.  Of course it is good for Polly's Place Network (Dr. Mable Dunbar co-author) as the profits go to her organization.  She has been having trouble getting her website changed in order to promote the book so just continue to go to  http://www.preyerplanning.com/book/velva-holt.htm to order.  You can also order off www.amazon.com HOWEVERmore moeny goes to Polly's Place through our private website.

Virginia Holt Coombs

I received the book and read it in one evening. Great book. Tells a story that so many know well or at least parts are very familiar. It is not told in a depressing way even tho the details have to be difficult putting into a book.

Ginge,hope you have great sucess with this and that it reaches those still to reluctant to come forward

Bonnie

[Ginge]

Bonnie, thank you for the above comment concerning the book.  I'm glad to see that the material in our book impressed you.  You have been a big advocate for carrying the banner for victims of christian domestic violence.  Since we have been in touch I wanted you to do a critique as I knew you would be open and honest.  I do hope that others reading this will be curious enough to order as the resources, written by my husband and Dr. Dunbar, not only bring healing but also direct leadership to ask for accountability within their church.

My mother, being a professional writer, was able to draw you into her life story while presenting factual and pertinent information for readers that may be going through a crisis of their own.  The use of her poems before each chapter provided  a calming effect for hurting hearts.

Please keep this book in your prayers.  I have contacted one of the managers of the ABC book stores in our State.  There is not another book on their shelves that deal with christian abuse.

Virginia

[bonnie]

Bonnie, thank you for the above comment concerning the book.  I'm glad to see that the material in our book impressed you.  You have been a big advocate for carrying the banner for victims of christian domestic violence.  Since we have been in touch I wanted you to do a critique as I knew you would be open and honest.  I do hope that others reading this will be curious enough to order as the resources, written by my husband and Dr. Dunbar, not only bring healing but also direct leadership to ask for accountability within their church.

My mother, being a professional writer, was able to draw you into her life story while presenting factual and pertinent information for readers that may be going through a crisis of their own.  The use of her poems before each chapter provided  a calming effect for hurting hearts.

Please keep this book in your prayers.  I have contacted one of the managers of the ABC book stores in our State.  There is not another book on their shelves that deal with christian abuse.

Virginia

I think it is really well written. As SDA's we do not deal  weel or admitt there is a problem. If forced to confront it there is only a problem if the survior refuses to remain silent.

I hope it goes well,long past needed

[Ginge]

The response for ordering this book has been overwhelming.  We get emails and phone calls thanking us for providing help, hope and healing from a christian source. 

We are looking for ways to get the book on the shelves of our ABC book centers.  Each one is run by a different manager so it is impossible for us to reach each one.  Those of you that have read the book need to ask your ABC to stock this book.  There are no other books on christian domestic violence on their shelves.

We are trying to reach the eyes and ears of Leadership and church members.  If you have any suggestions for us on promoting the book please let us know.
virginia

[bonnie]

The response for ordering this book has been overwhelming.  We get emails and phone calls thanking us for providing help, hope and healing from a christian source. 

We are looking for ways to get the book on the shelves of our ABC book centers.  Each one is run by a different manager so it is impossible for us to reach each one.  Those of you that have read the book need to ask your ABC to stock this book.  There are no other books on christian domestic violence on their shelves.

We are trying to reach the eyes and ears of Leadership and church members.  If you have any suggestions for us on promoting the book please let us know.
virginia

It may be an uphill battle to get this into our ABC book centers. They are more comfortable with the "Uncle Arthur Series"

Everyone in the end of these short stories is happy and healthy

[Emma]

A bit off topic, but did anyone ever notice how many of the dangerous things that happened to the children in Uncle Arthur's stories, occurred
when the parents had left them home alone?

I have not seen the book under discussion, but it sounds as if it will fill a very deep need.

[Ginge]

Emma, I grew up with Uncle Arthur, in fact I sat on his lap as a child and told him a story which he published in The Children's Hour--called "Patsy and the Potato Patch".  Yep, I was a celebrity way back there.    

Those stories brought a lot of joy and yes, they did have happy endings at times, unless you were the child that ate the worm in the apple or got the cotton in the piece of apple pie.  I remember those stories because they taught me to not be selfish or my food would taste really bad.     Those were simple years and innocent ones.  We grew up in sheltered lives.  Not that nothing bad (family abuse) was going on.  That has been around since Cain and Able.

If you are interested in "We Sufered In Silence" go to this webpage.  http://www.preyerplanning.com/book/velva-holt.htm

Virginia