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[Snoopy]

How should a person handle the situation when they discover that someone they once considered a friend has turned on them?

[Ozzie]

How should a person handle the situation when they discover that someone they once considered a friend has turned on them?

Well, you certainly don't trust them again Snoopy. One does not DELIBERATELY put themselves in the position of such a thing happening again, after a person has shown themselves to be untrustworthy.

It's very sad when this happens and shows just how fickle SOME people are. 

It is very sad when we find that we have been betrayed and I believe there is a period of grief that needs to be dealt with, as one does grieve when they are betrayed by someone whom they previously thought of as a friend. 

[sonshineonme]

How should a person handle the situation when they discover that someone they once considered a friend has turned on them?

That's a good question.

I have been through that, as most everyone probably has at one time or another. It is not only shocking when it occurs, but it is very painful to experience - you go through anger, hurt, disappointment and then to grieving of the loss.

You can attempt communication to resolve it, but that takes two, so if the one who has betrayed you is not interested in dealing with it and would rather find ways to avoid the communication, there is really nothing more you can do about it.

Real friendships are hard to find these days. You learn to really appreciate the ones that have been tried by any "fire" and make it through, and the ones that seem to be such a natural blessing to your life that neither of you would ever do anything to damage the friendship. 

Life is too short to beat yourself up over it if you have done all you can to resolve it. If it's not worth resolving for various reasons, just lean on some other friends to help you through the shock and disappointment. The passing of time can often show you that maybe that friend was never really a friend.

[Snoopy]

That's for sure, Ozzie!  I'm just so tired of finding out that my judgment skills don't seems to be getting any better.

Well, you certainly don't trust them again Snoopy. One does not DELIBERATELY put themselves in the position of such a thing happening again, after a person has shown themselves to be untrustworthy.

It's very sad when this happens and shows just how fickle SOME people are. 

It is very sad when we find that we have been betrayed and I believe there is a period of grief that needs to be dealt with, as one does grieve when they are betrayed by someone whom they previously thought of as a friend. 

[Chrissie]

How should a person handle the situation when they discover that someone they once considered a friend has turned on them?

That's a good question.

I have been through that, as most everyone probably has at one time or another. It is not only shocking when it occurs, but it is very painful to experience - you go through anger, hurt, disappointment and then to grieving of the loss.

You can attempt communication to resolve it, but that takes two, so if the one who has betrayed you is not interested in dealing with it and would rather find ways to avoid the communication, there is really nothing more you can do about it.

Real friendships are hard to find these days. You learn to really appreciate the ones that have been tried by any "fire" and make it through, and the ones that seem to be such a natural blessing to your life that neither of you would ever do anything to damage the friendship. 

Life is too short to beat yourself up over it if you have done all you can to resolve it. If it's not worth resolving for various reasons, just lean on some other friends to help you through the shock and disappointment. The passint of time can often show you that maybe that friend was never really a friend.

I think that SSOM has provided wise counsel here Snoopy. If two friends can't communicate and discuss a 'problem', they were never 'true friends' anyway. 'Real friends' seem to be few and far between these days. Is that a reflection on the shallowness of society today?  

As has been pointed out here, when we lose a 'friend' whom we have trusted, we go through a 'grief process'. That can be as painful as a divorce, because the person hasn't died, but they have shattered you trust; just as in a divorce.

Time heal, but those experiences teach us to be very wary of making other friends quickly. Only over time, can we see who are 'true friends' and those who are not. So sad.

[Ozzie]

That's for sure, Ozzie!  I'm just so tired of finding out that my judgment skills don't seems to be getting any better.

You sound like you have been VERY hurt Snoopy? I am so sorry that this has happened. Take time to heal and don't rush into new 'close friendships'. That may sound rather cynical, but I guess that life experiences tend to turn one that way. 

Take care. 

[Snoopy]

Wow - you, too, sonshine?  Guess I'm in good company!!

It just seems like its not worth trying to trust anyone anymore.  Either they gain your trust and you unwisely confide in them, or they sweet talk you into doing something you weren't comfortable with and then you discover, after it is too late, that your hesitance was well grounded.

Just not a good day today, I guess.  I think that when I grow up I would like to become a hermit...

That's a good question.

I have been through that, as most everyone probably has at one time or another. It is not only shocking when it occurs, but it is very painful to experience - you go through anger, hurt, disappointment and then to grieving of the loss.

You can attempt communication to resolve it, but that takes two, so if the one who has betrayed you is not interested in dealing with it and would rather find ways to avoid the communication, there is really nothing more you can do about it.

Real friendships are hard to find these days. You learn to really appreciate the ones that have been tried by any "fire" and make it through, and the ones that seem to be such a natural blessing to your life that neither of you would ever do anything to damage the friendship. 

Life is too short to beat yourself up over it if you have done all you can to resolve it. If it's not worth resolving for various reasons, just lean on some other friends to help you through the shock and disappointment. The passing of time can often show you that maybe that friend was never really a friend.

[Fran]

As long as we are in a world of sin, we will face this dilemma over and over again.  It shows us that life is not fair.  I have trusted so many only to be greatly disappointed.  I am sure I have disappointed others just as I have found myself disappointed.  I regret both of those experiences.

Love is blind and causes one to trust a person without question.  Love causes us to see someone that we believe in as somehow perfect.  Then one day you see clearly a situation where you have truly been blind.  It causes me to shrink from any new relationships!

I believe the statement, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.  In love, there is always the risk of disappointment, at least it is for me.  True love will accept the other in their imperfect state.  They will still love each other and it is wonderful.

There came a time in my life that I trusted NO ONE!  Then I began to realize that there is only one perfect love affair/relationship; that is the one with God!  Yes, even God has disappointed me and caused me to ask why over and over again.  As time passes, and God reveals to me that He has only allowed these things to happen to strengthen me.  I now see that God has never left me or caused me unnecessary pain.  In fact, I believe God is slow to reveal to us things we had not seen before.  I praise God for that because there are some things in my life I truly do not comprehend, but I have put all my trust in God.  He is my rock and my Salvation.

God has taught me that there is no perfect earthly relationship.  Earthly relationship need patience and forgiveness.  This, at first is very hard to do.  God has shown me to lean on Him in everything.  God can show us how to love the person and hate the sin in their lives.  It is possible.  Now, I can have deeper relationships than before because God has revealed me to his perfect love and loves me but not my sin.  If He can still love me, I can love others that have deliberately brought hurt and harm into my life.

Don't shy away from new relationships, because if you do, you may miss a real blessing.  And the best thing about rejection, hurt and lies, is that, this too shall pass.

Let us all pray for God to lead us into real, honest relationships.  Thank God for revealing to us the characters of those that would harm us.  Let us all pray for each others to be able to continue to believe that these things have happened to rescue us from relationships to spare us further hurt/harm.

There are still relationships that can be saved even after being greatly disappointed.  I takes forgiveness and WORK to mend a broken trust, but it is possible.  It depends on just how much we are able to understand the difference between a mistake and something deliberately done.

Some relationships I have had, have been renewed, and have become stronger.  Some are totally broken and nothing further can be done to mend those relationships.  We must move on and thank God for rescuing us.

I love you, Snoopy.

[sonshineonme]

As long as we are in a world of sin, we will face this dilemma over and over again.  It shows us that life is not fair.  I have trusted so many only to be greatly disappointed.  I am sure I have disappointed others just as I have found myself disappointed.  I regret both of those experiences.

Love is blind and causes one to trust a person without question.  Love causes us to see someone that we believe in as somehow perfect.  Then one day you see clearly a situation where you have truly been blind.  It causes me to shrink from any new relationships!

I believe the statement, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.  In love, there is always the risk of disappointment, at least it is for me.  True love will accept the other in their imperfect state.  They will still love each other and it is wonderful.

There came a time in my life that I trusted NO ONE!  Then I began to realize that there is only one perfect love affair/relationship; that is the one with God!  Yes, even God has disappointed me and caused me to ask why over and over again.  As time passes, and God reveals to me that He has only allowed these things to happen to strengthen me.  I now see that God has never left me or caused me unnecessary pain.  In fact, I believe God is slow to reveal to us things we had not seen before.  I praise God for that because there are some things in my life I truly do not comprehend, but I have put all my trust in God.  He is my rock and my Salvation.

God has taught me that there is no perfect earthly relationship.  Earthly relationship need patience and forgiveness.  This, at first is very hard to do.  God has shown me to lean on Him in everything.  God can show us how to love the person and hate the sin in their lives.  It is possible.  Now, I can have deeper relationships than before because God has revealed me to his perfect love and loves me but not my sin.  If He can still love me, I can love others that have deliberately brought hurt and harm into my life.

Don't shy away from new relationships, because if you do, you may miss a real blessing.  And the best thing about rejection, hurt and lies, is that, this too shall pass.

Let us all pray for God to lead us into real, honest relationships.  Thank God for revealing to us the characters of those that would harm us.  Let us all pray for each others to be able to continue to believe that these things have happened to rescue us from relationships to spare us further hurt/harm.

There are still relationships that can be saved even after being greatly disappointed.  I takes forgiveness and WORK to mend a broken trust, but it is possible.  It depends on just how much we are able to understand the difference between a mistake and something deliberately done.

Some relationships I have had, have been renewed, and have become stronger.  Some are totally broken and nothing further can be done to mend those relationships.  We must move on and thank God for rescuing us.

I love you, Snoopy.

What a sweet post Fran. I agree with all that you said (and so well said)!

We must never forget the "God element" in all things that happen to us. What does not kill us does make us stronger, especially if we make God part of the healing and understanding.

I like how you said "God rescues us" - and that He "reveals to us the characters of those that would harm us", I know this is true.

There is always something good that comes from all our lessons in life - whether we brought them on ourselves, or we were victims in some way, God wastes nothing and we can learn something each step of the way on this journey called life. I thank Him for ALWAYS lifting me up when I feel like I can go no lower.

[Ozzie]

As long as we are in a world of sin, we will face this dilemma over and over again.  It shows us that life is not fair.  I have trusted so many only to be greatly disappointed.  I am sure I have disappointed others just as I have found myself disappointed.  I regret both of those experiences.

Love is blind and causes one to trust a person without question.  Love causes us to see someone that we believe in as somehow perfect.  Then one day you see clearly a situation where you have truly been blind.  It causes me to shrink from any new relationships!

I believe the statement, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.  In love, there is always the risk of disappointment, at least it is for me.  True love will accept the other in their imperfect state.  They will still love each other and it is wonderful.

There came a time in my life that I trusted NO ONE!  Then I began to realize that there is only one perfect love affair/relationship; that is the one with God!  Yes, even God has disappointed me and caused me to ask why over and over again.  As time passes, and God reveals to me that He has only allowed these things to happen to strengthen me.  I now see that God has never left me or caused me unnecessary pain.  In fact, I believe God is slow to reveal to us things we had not seen before.  I praise God for that because there are some things in my life I truly do not comprehend, but I have put all my trust in God.  He is my rock and my Salvation.

God has taught me that there is no perfect earthly relationship.  Earthly relationship need patience and forgiveness.  This, at first is very hard to do.  God has shown me to lean on Him in everything.  God can show us how to love the person and hate the sin in their lives.  It is possible.  Now, I can have deeper relationships than before because God has revealed me to his perfect love and loves me but not my sin.  If He can still love me, I can love others that have deliberately brought hurt and harm into my life.

Don't shy away from new relationships, because if you do, you may miss a real blessing.  And the best thing about rejection, hurt and lies, is that, this too shall pass.

Let us all pray for God to lead us into real, honest relationships.  Thank God for revealing to us the characters of those that would harm us.  Let us all pray for each others to be able to continue to believe that these things have happened to rescue us from relationships to spare us further hurt/harm.

There are still relationships that can be saved even after being greatly disappointed.  I takes forgiveness and WORK to mend a broken trust, but it is possible.  It depends on just how much we are able to understand the difference between a mistake and something deliberately done.

Some relationships I have had, have been renewed, and have become stronger.  Some are totally broken and nothing further can be done to mend those relationships.  We must move on and thank God for rescuing us.

I love you, Snoopy.

What a sweet post Fran. I agree with all that you said (and so well said)!

We must never forget the "God element" in all things that happen to us. What does not kill us does make us stronger, especially if we make God part of the healing and understanding.

I like how you said "God rescues us" - and that He "reveals to us the characters of those that would harm us", I know this is true.

There is always something good that comes from all our lessons in life - whether we brought them on ourselves, or we were victims in some way, God wastes nothing and we can learn something each step of the way on this journey called life. I thank Him for ALWAYS lifting me up when I feel like I can go no lower.

Such wise words Fran and SSOM. I have often said that as I look back, despite a lot of hurt and pain, there has not been one of those experiences that hasn't helped me grow in some way. They definitely were not things that I liked happening, but each event has taught me a lesson - usually where I can help someone else.

May you be comforted Snoopy and Fran, in knowing that God cares. He was rejected in the most hideous of ways, yet he was prepared to give His life for us. Know that other people really care about you too.

Don't let one bad apple sour your experiences for the rest of your lives.

[Freeindeed]

How should a person handle the situation when they discover that someone they once considered a friend has turned on them?

You forgive them and love them (love you enemies).  You acknowledge any role you may have played in it and you allow them the opportunity to begin rebuilding trust.

In Christ alone...

[Ozzie]

How should a person handle the situation when they discover that someone they once considered a friend has turned on them?

You forgive them and love them (love you enemies).  You acknowledge any role you may have played in it and you allow them the opportunity to begin rebuilding trust.

In Christ alone...

I disagree.

Yes. Forgive the person, but God does not expect us to make ourselves vulnerable to further abuse. It DOES NOT mean that you just 'forgive and forget'. That is sheer stupidity in many cases. Lives can be endangered, even to the point of losing life.

The 'forgiveness bit' is touted so often by those who condone and want to cover us abuse. Sorry. It doesn't wash with me.

After one has seen so many ruined lives, one takes a lot more care of the 'forgiveness' bit. Whenever I see the 'forgiveness bit' hauled out as the first answer to such a problem, a red flag flies up at me. It's a bout time some people began to live in the real world.

[Snoopy]

 

Oh Fran, that brought a tear.  I'd like to say more, but can't get it out tonight.  Thank you!!

And I love you too!!

As long as we are in a world of sin, we will face this dilemma over and over again.  It shows us that life is not fair.  I have trusted so many only to be greatly disappointed.  I am sure I have disappointed others just as I have found myself disappointed.  I regret both of those experiences.

Love is blind and causes one to trust a person without question.  Love causes us to see someone that we believe in as somehow perfect.  Then one day you see clearly a situation where you have truly been blind.  It causes me to shrink from any new relationships!

I believe the statement, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.  In love, there is always the risk of disappointment, at least it is for me.  True love will accept the other in their imperfect state.  They will still love each other and it is wonderful.

There came a time in my life that I trusted NO ONE!  Then I began to realize that there is only one perfect love affair/relationship; that is the one with God!  Yes, even God has disappointed me and caused me to ask why over and over again.  As time passes, and God reveals to me that He has only allowed these things to happen to strengthen me.  I now see that God has never left me or caused me unnecessary pain.  In fact, I believe God is slow to reveal to us things we had not seen before.  I praise God for that because there are some things in my life I truly do not comprehend, but I have put all my trust in God.  He is my rock and my Salvation.

God has taught me that there is no perfect earthly relationship.  Earthly relationship need patience and forgiveness.  This, at first is very hard to do.  God has shown me to lean on Him in everything.  God can show us how to love the person and hate the sin in their lives.  It is possible.  Now, I can have deeper relationships than before because God has revealed me to his perfect love and loves me but not my sin.  If He can still love me, I can love others that have deliberately brought hurt and harm into my life.

Don't shy away from new relationships, because if you do, you may miss a real blessing.  And the best thing about rejection, hurt and lies, is that, this too shall pass.

Let us all pray for God to lead us into real, honest relationships.  Thank God for revealing to us the characters of those that would harm us.  Let us all pray for each others to be able to continue to believe that these things have happened to rescue us from relationships to spare us further hurt/harm.

There are still relationships that can be saved even after being greatly disappointed.  I takes forgiveness and WORK to mend a broken trust, but it is possible.  It depends on just how much we are able to understand the difference between a mistake and something deliberately done.

Some relationships I have had, have been renewed, and have become stronger.  Some are totally broken and nothing further can be done to mend those relationships.  We must move on and thank God for rescuing us.

I love you, Snoopy.

[Fair Havens]

God has taught me that there is no perfect earthly relationship.  Earthly relationship need patience and forgiveness.  This, at first is very hard to do.  God has shown me to lean on Him in everything.  God can show us how to love the person and hate the sin in their lives.  It is possible.  Now, I can have deeper relationships than before because God has revealed me to his perfect love and loves me but not my sin.  If He can still love me, I can love others that have deliberately brought hurt and harm into my life.

Don't shy away from new relationships, because if you do, you may miss a real blessing.  And the best thing about rejection, hurt and lies, is that, this too shall pass.


Quote from: Fran on Today at 09:29:26 PM

Let us all pray for God to lead us into real, honest relationships.  Thank God for revealing to us the characters of those that would harm us.  Let us all pray for each others to be able to continue to believe that these things have happened to rescue us from relationships to spare us further hurt/harm.

There are still relationships that can be saved even after being greatly disappointed.  I takes forgiveness and WORK to mend a broken trust, but it is possible.  It depends on just how much we are able to understand the difference between a mistake and something deliberately done.

Some relationships I have had, have been renewed, and have become stronger.  Some are totally broken and nothing further can be done to mend those relationships.  We must move on and thank God for rescuing us.

I love you, Snoopy.

Fran, Fran, wise, spirit-breathed words 

[Snoopy]

Naw - I don't think so.  Thanks anyway!!  Forgive and acknowledge, maybe.  But give them a chance to do it again??!!!  Nope.

You forgive them and love them (love you enemies).  You acknowledge any role you may have played in it and you allow them the opportunity to begin rebuilding trust.

In Christ alone...