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[Gregory]

I am in a position, where a lot of books pass by me.  Most of them are what I would call junk and I would never give them the time of day.   But, some are of value.  I recently came upon one such book that was   written from the intent of helping single people navigate the Internet websites which are set up to bring people together.  As I am a happy married person, I have no intent to trade my wife in for a different model.  I will not be adding this book to my library.

However, in my review of this book, I believe that it contains much good material that would be helpful for single adults to evaluate their relationships with others people and whether or not those relationships could lead to a successful marriage.

It is from this standpoint, that I mention the following book:

Eric F. Fagan, CAST YOUR NET: A STEP-BY STEP GUIDE TO FINDING YOUR SOUL MATE ON THE INTERNET, Harvard Common Press, Boston, 2001, 276 pages.

As I see this book, it is designed for the adult person, who late in life finds themselves in a situation where they are looking for a marriage partner.  I see its value far beyond that of the Internet.

In a statement, that I have paraphrased, Eric Fagan says: “This book takes a chronological step-by-step approach to how one can safely, securely and successfully search for your soul mate.”  (Not an exact quote.)

Fagan does not have focus centered on religion.  However, he is not anti-religious.  The bottom line is that he gives some very good, practical, advice that I believe would be helpful to older adults who find themselves thinking about marriage.

[Johann]

Fortunately I do not need this book now. Seven years ago when I stood there alone I checked some lists of single SDA ladies on the net. The nice things they said about themselves never impressed me, so I decided not to look any more.

We have now written our own story which has just been published in the Norwegian magazine The Senior, a quarterly for SDA seniors there. Somewhere we have an English version too which we keep for a rainy day.

[princessdi]

Well, now Pastor Johann, don't hold out on us.....we want to read the story, also.

[tinka]

This topic of Older Adult Marriage is beyond my understanding!

First of all, When we loose a loved one and expect to see them in the Resurrection what do you do with the replaced one that is in the Resurrection too.  That is absolutely not going to be a situation for me.

Second, how can that new marriage replace the one who was the love of your life? That would be impossible for me.  I feel anyone that can do that did not know true love in the first but attachment or infatuation for so many years.

Third, I would not subject my children to a replacement of their father.

Fourth, why do we have hope to be with our loved ones as a family in heaven with this dilemma of two loyal wives or two loyal husbands. ??

I feel that old marriages are for convenience for ones self.  I would never trade in my "beloved". Yes I am lonely but only for him.

I just don't understand how it all works and looked for clues but only find that we will be reunited with our loved ones. Why did not EGW get married again?? I believe for the same reason I would not.

I think the Bible only permits it at death for a loop hole for some to not commit adultery cause they just can't live with the loneliness or have back slidden spouses that died.

Anyways, I pray for my whole family to be reunited the way we were the happiest.

So older adults that marry in the faith I have my reservations of them.

[Johann]

Elsewhere we have been discussing the fate of the son of Ellen White who married again in Australia, seemingly with the full approval of his mother.

[tinka]

Yes, I watched all that last night with (cant remember his name now) from White Estate, and I can say that is the first time I had to wonder about that situation.

What did EGW know to encourage that? In fact she was persistent the man claimed she was the match maker.

It really bothered me as I do not understand that with evidence of all the rest.  What did she know?? to advise the best?? I don't know that answer but cannot change the whole other scriptures.

[Johann]

Early I read in the writings of Ellen White that when we see something in the Word we do not understand clearly we are to wait before making a conclusion until we have found other instances that deal with the same question. Then we are to compare Scripture with Scripture and ask the Holy Spirit to guide us.

I have found this the best solution in my life. Often I have met people who have found one or two quotations which seem to point in a certain direction making a decision to make those texts or quotations the guiding light in their experience, ignoring anything else that points in a different direction.

I have a notion these are the people who will be leading some of the People of God astray in the final events of this World's history, much more than pagans or non-Christian elements, or even more dangerous to us than the efforts of Anti Christ Himself. I invite you to make a study of this in your reading, and then tell us what conclusion this brings you. Never forget prayer and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

[tinka]

and that I did--and here is what I understand
! Corinthians 7:8

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9. but if they cannot contain, (themselves as I get the message here) let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

I can contain !!

[Johann]

and that I did--and here is what I understand
! Corinthians 7:8

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9. but if they cannot contain, (themselves as I get the message here) let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

I can contain !!

Good, tinka. When you consider someone else will you then follow the words of Paul as well and consider:

28But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.




I also read Romans 7:1-3 (King James Version)

 1Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?

 2For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.

 3So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

[tinka]

I am not taking away from these scriptures what so ever. It simply is a loop to remarry, I simply made a comment of "old age" remarriage and how it will be in heaven with two loyal wives or two loyal husbands. I simply stated that I would not be in that situation.

It does state that is better if your not in that situation and that is good enough for me. There must be a reason that Paul states its better not to be remarried but the loop hole is for provision to remarry.

That is not complicated but a clear example how easy all words can come around to justification for many many matters including "ordained women".

It clearly states without doubt "It is better Not". Therefore I am not a person to find it "better to do it". as most liberals would do.  I can not see where it would be better in more ways not to it then to do it.

 To do it would put myself first above all including family friends and relatives who dearly loved the one laid to rest.  I will not defile what I had for any self gratification.

 My love will be loyal to Jesus comes. Death did not sever it. If he can rest with Jesus in sleep, I will rest in Jesus while I live and remember how always young we were together. And that is what I call better Not to!

Then scripture tells me to be "reunited" and I do not want complications for my children or anyone on earth or heaven. 14 grandchildren to have a different Poppy?? I don't think so.

[Gregory]

Tinka:  We can respect youfor the personal position that you have taken.  But, that is your posiiton.  It may not be that of other people.  They should be respected and accepted for the position that they have taken.

[tinka]

Neither was I disrespecting or taking my own personal position different then what I read.  I simply stated Paul's statement that what was the better thing to do and then concluded that since Paul stated I comply as a better judgement to guide me. then I presented both sides again as stated Bibically and possible side effects when you cannot "contain" yourself.

It is no wonder that simple understandable language can cause confusion when the very elect want to  have their own agenda and reasoning different then the inspired foundation in many things.  It is now evident that a group of Reformers feel the same way for their own agendas. In the end some SDA will also agree to Sunday worship- It's just not EGW statements but its Paul's also.

 It's no different than a woman putting on the pants and can't tell at first if man or woman and stand behind a pulpit as if she has accomplished with feather from her mouth. There is a block like a block that Paul talks about against the ones that refused to believe Jesus was their King

 Did you not get the statement what Paul said? I was referring to that and again the affects- of course one does not like to admit self gratifications and the hurt it Might cause others. Maybe in some cases it don't but I won't take the chance since most will not utter heartache to see their most cherished replaced. "It's a free gamble. a free pass, a free chance for stumbling block for even a "golden ring".  Did you not read EGW statement, why take the chance of losing eternity for the vanities to justify?? Take as many free passes as you like! You have the opinions of many authors to decide which is right. I do believe in other marriages when one has lived with adultery, abuse, and evil cohesion's for ones own sake 

[Johann]

Remarriage of S. N. Haskell—We received Brother Haskell’s [Elder S. N. Haskell’s first wife died in 1894. This letter refers to his second marriage, which took place in 1897, when he was 64 years old.] letter the evening after the Sabbath. We were glad to hear from you that your interests are united as one. May the Lord bless this union, that you may be a strength and support to one another at all times. May the peace of God rest upon you, is my sincere desire and earnest prayer. “Go, stand and speak ... To the people all the words of this life” [Acts 5:20]. {TSB 33.1}
I am pleased, Brother Haskell, that you have a helper [Mrs. Haskell]. This is that which I have desired for some time. The work in which we are engaged has made us one in Christ Jesus to diffuse the knowledge of Jesus Christ. It is your privilege to have happiness in your new relation to each other, in ministering the gospel to those who are in darkness and error. We can sympathize and unite in the grand work that you and I love, and which is the one great object ever before us, the enlargement of the kingdom of Christ and the celebration of His glory. In everything which relates to this we are united in bonds of Christian fellowship, in companionship with heavenly intelligences.... {TSB 33.2}
Because of the light given me, I am fully possessed with the conviction that through your united agencies, as sanctified instrumentalities, light shall be reflected to the salvation of many souls that are now in darkness and error. I know you have not lived unto yourselves but unto Him whom you love and whom you serve and worship.—Letter 74a, 1897. {TSB 33.3}

[Johann]

Advice to J. N. Andrews—I advised you to marry before you returned the last time to Europe for these reasons. First, you needed a wife to care for you and [you] should not have taken your family to Europe without a good companion to be a mother to your children, that these children might not in all things bear the stamp of your mind and be molded according to your ideas. Your mind is not equally balanced. You need another element brought into your labors that you do not possess and that you do not understand is really essential.... {TSB 34.1}
Your ideas have been erroneous to preserve your life as a widower, but on this point I will say no more. The influence of a noble Christian woman of proper capabilities would have served to counteract the tendencies of your mind. The ability of concentrativeness, the intense light in which you view everything of a religious character connected with the cause and work of God, has brought upon you depression of spirits, a weight of anxiety that has weakened you physically and mentally. If you had been connected with one who would have opposite feelings, who would have ability to turn your thoughts away from gloomy subjects, who would not have yielded her individuality, but have preserved her identity and had a molding influence upon your mind, you would today have had physical strength and power to resist disease.—Letter 9, 1883. {TSB 34.2}
You remember I wrote you from Texas to obtain a wife before you returned to Europe. Do you suppose I would have given you such advice if I had had no light upon the matter? Be assured, no such counsel would have been given you without good reason. I was shown [that] you follow your own judgment and your own ideas altogether too tenaciously. If you were more willing to be counseled by those you should confide in, and trust less to your own feelings and impressions, the result for yourself and for the cause of God would be far better. {TSB 34.3}
I was shown that you made a mistake in starting to Europe without a companion. If you had, before starting, selected you a godly woman who could have been a mother to your children, you would have done a wise thing, and your usefulness would have been tenfold to what it has been.—Letter 1, 1883. {TSB 35.1}

[Johann]

A Son’s Interference [This letter was written July 28, 1902, to the son of Elder George I. Butler, former president of the General Conference. Elder Butler’s wife died November 15, 1901, leaving him a widower at the age of 68. As a result of his son’s influence, Elder Butler did not marry the woman referred to in this letter. Five years later, in 1907, he married someone else.]—I beg of you not to reproach your father. You should not feel as you do, for your father has done nothing that God condemns. His condemnation exists only in the minds of men. He has in no wise dishonored his children. He is keeping the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment. The Lord is opening the way before him, that he may do a great and good work for His people. Christ is his Saviour, and in beholding Christ he will be changed into His image. {TSB 35.2}
Your father has been a kind, tender husband. For many years he served faithfully her whom he has always loved. Death separated him from the one who for so long has been his special charge. Then his sister was taken from him, and his home was broken up. Is it any wonder that under these circumstances he should, after your mother’s death, become attached to a woman in whose conversion to the truth he was instrumental? This woman is not young, but of an age to be a help to him in his work. Should your father’s age have stood as a barrier to his happiness? ... {TSB 35.3}
Had your father married this lady, I believe that the Lord would greatly have blessed them both. But I do not think, seeing that the matter has been treated as it has, it will go any further. Those who refused to sanction this union should remember that one day they must meet the result of their action. But I must leave this matter with those who have been acting a part in it.—Letter 117, 1902. {TSB 36.1}