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[Alex L. Walker]

ADMIN HAT ON

Please note that it is not necessary for members to announce their comings and goings from this forum.  If you are angry about something, we are truly sorry and would be happy to take it up with you PRIVATELY.  But please do remember that this is a public forum, discussing public issues, and welcoming public opinion.  Just because someone posts their opinion here that might differ from yours does not make this a bad forum.

ADMIN HAT OFF

I was going to respond to this, but I will send you my concerns privately.

[Alex L. Walker]

My concerns have been sent to Johann. I have graciously asked him to pass them on. Thanks.

[Murcielago]

Thank you Alex.

[princessdi]

Well, for one, I am sorry to see you guys go.  I would like to say that I am sorry if it was in anyway something that I said. 

You have my continued prayers for your healing, and most importantly God's love, peace and joy in your lives.

[childoftheking]

I totally understand the distrust of counselors as some clergy act as counselors and counselors form similar relationships with their counselees as clergy do with their congregants. Some counselors abuse their positions as some clergy abuse their positions. Marriage counselors have sometimes been known to seduce wives of couples they were "working with". Psychiatrists have occasionally been known to seduce patients etc. Once one's trust has been betrayed by an authority figure it feels too unsafe to ever allow oneself to become that vulnerable and trusting ever again.

And I hate to see anyone leave too.

[Snoopy]

Kinda like going to a pastor for spiritual help.

I am NOT going to a counselor. That would be like slapping God in the face. I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. Not another word on the subject.

 


Good point, Murcielago.  And as far as I know, counselors have educational and licensing requirements.

[christian]

Sometimes the kitchen gets hot and there are those who have to cut and run. As my grandma would say if the kitchen is to hot, well just leave. Sometimes the strength of ones convictions are tested in public forums and because they are so absurd the responses to them send people scurrying back into the place from which they came. All I can say is Gods speed and it is those who are left in the forum who will be the Judge of those who have left, as to the validity of their opinions. We who are left have a responsibility to continue the fight for sound thinking and the cut and runners, well, they are just that "cut and runners". Silence for me is all the proof I need that my reasoning has won out over others. There is a sweet victory in watching sound arguments win out over insanity and illogical thinking, so I simply say God's speed cut your loses and good night.

Well, for one, I am sorry to see you guys go.  I would like to say that I am sorry if it was in anyway something that I said. 

You have my continued prayers for your healing, and most importantly God's love, peace and joy in your lives.

[childoftheking]

Sometimes there is more than one valid opinion and we must agree to disagree. When someone else tells us what we must do, we certainly have a right to disagree and say "that isn't going to work for me." No one should be able to make us do something that we feel is wrong. I don't feel that anyone won this argument in fact we all lost some valuable input if some of our members felt uncomfortable continuing to post their opinions.

[vestedinterest]

    I admit that I am new to the AT culture, and certainly there are regional differences as well; My only interest in any 3ABN posting are those relating to the current legal situation in VA for Tommy Shelton.
    That being said, it would be presumptuous for me to have much of an opinion, but it seemed to me, in the preceding exchanges there has been a lot of insult-hurling, speculation, and accusation. The tone has been sarcastic, and in some circumstances quite rude, and I suppose that is one of the results of the internet's anonymity.         
   COTK, you are right, no one "won" anything. With regard to making someone do something they think is wrong, I didn't see much of that, only some comments to Duane about the possible benefits of counseling, to which he responded in a less-than-courteous way. I have been told on several occasions to "get the facts right" yet when I looked at my own posts I felt like I was only ever putting forth my opinion. I feel like that is mostly what I have seen from everyone, but the methods of communication range from genteel to surly, and everything in between. (And I have even been criticized for talking "fancy"!)
     Clearly. emotions run high as these folks are pressed to bring into their thinking details from long ago, hurtful things, memories of deception, manipulation, being fooled, being ashamed, and so on. Because there is no clear path for retribution, it just sits there, and each person affected has to move around it in their own way..some by burying it, some by dumping a little shovelful of it onto everyone they meet, some by dis-assembling it so that it has no power, some by crawling into it and living the rest of their days covered with it, some by covering it with a fancy tablecloth and pretending there is nothing out of the ordinary.  And none of us can say which way is right.  One who has lost a limb has to figure out how to go through life forever crippled, and the fact that they can get from here-to-there at all is worthy of much applause and fanfare.

[mrst53]

Welcome vestedinterest! It's nice to have another Virginian on the site
 Those that are hurting on this site have been hurting for a very long time and each time this legal situation is postponed it just makes matters worse. Each month we expect a final ending to this and a punishment for Tommy for what he has done and each month it's the same thing... another continuance. Now the plea deal has been withdrawn and he goes to trial. This just adds salt to the wound.

Since you said that you know Pastor Dryden, I assume you are a member of Dunn Loring church. How long have you been a member? I grew up in that Church from the time I was 12 till I was 19. Are you still attending?

I joined here when Tommy was arrested and have made some very good friends and very good prayer partners. We also have agreed to disagree.

I will tell you all that I was like Duane for years. I fought going to counselors. I could trust God for my physical healing, but for some reason I could NOT trust him for my mental/emotional healing- but I refused to go to a counselor- because I believed it was MY FAULT

[mrst53]

CON'T- FOR NOT TRUSTING God enough and not having enough faith. So I kept praying and I kept getting worse and worse.  Finally my doctor made my appointment and had my husband bring me in. Well...that was a laugh I got this YOUNG army Doc and when I started talking about not being able to trust God- that totally blew him away.... Needless to say- counseling stopped.... then they set me up with an  Now with the situation at home, I am back in counseling again. I don't know if this counselor is a Christian or not, but she doesn't freak out, when I talk about God and my faith. She doesn't tell me what to do, she listens mainly.. That's what I need, plus she tells me that I'm ok and I'm not going crazy

sorry this is so long- but sometimes therapy can help and sometimes it takes a long time to find a good therapist. We still haven't talked about my abuse- maybe I will, maybe I won't- I don't know- we'll see.

[Bob Pickle]

You ladies have brought up some good points. And we aren't talking about simply months of delay. This saga has been going on nearly 30 years, or if Walt Thompson's figures are right, 34 years now.

One fellow told me that not a day goes by that he doesn't think about taking care of it himself.

[mrst53]

If I were Tommy, I would be afraid to leave my home and if I did, I would always be looking over my shoulder. I am sure some of those he has abused hate him so much, that they want to kill him. If they don't have God in their lives, they just might. If not they, themselves, then maybe their loved ones. If someone had abused my son, especially a pastor or teacher, I would have felt like killing them. And I know without God, I would I would have carried it out.

[childoftheking]

Perhaps he would be somewhat safer in prison. Of course it would depend on the conditions in the prison. I have heard that some of them can be quite nice. Not like the ordinary run of the mill prisons.

[Johann]

"There is a distance, a veil between us."
- Erich Maria Remarque, All Quiet On The Western Front, Ch. 7