Hi tinka and welcome to AdventTalk!!
I was touched by your post and your heartache. Of course no one can change what has happened, but my thought is that you can rejoice in the fact that your Mom was doing what her heart was called to do by her obvious love for Jesus. Try to ignore the visions of waste and abuse and focus on the joy her gifts brought to our Lord. When you feel overcome by heartache, try to picture the smile your Mom brought to His beautiful face and the untold joy she will experience when He comes to get her.
Oh, and by the way. I totally agree with your assessment of Gailon. The world needs more warriors against evil.
Blessings,
Snoopy